Blog Two

BEHOLD!

I present you with the same old blog. Yet, I feel the need to relaunch the site and revive it with a familiar attitude, but mostly new-sounding invigorating old-school words like "behold" and the alternate title to this entry, "Blog Two: The Revenge". Why? Because after a year without blogging, I missed you. You who? You, the invisible masses that read my blog? I don't kid myself... consciously. Well, I'm not delusional, thinking that there are hoards of people out there reading this masterfully-crafted trash. I guess I just miss the opportunity to talk to myself. (See, I told you, I'm not delusional.) So, really, I missed myself, and you are irrelevant to this particular equation. But, think about it. Who could blame me? In my unbiased opinion, I'm somewhat more awesome than you are. And, if you're not convinced, you are reading my work, so you are in my world with my rules and you ought to trust me.

So, you might be new here, but I, on the other hand, am one year older. I am one year older than when you last left me, and a lot has happened to me in the past year, which you can discover in my upcoming blog entry to be entitled Yes Man. But, before I delve into my yearly activities, I wanted to post one blog entry to remind you ("me") of why you ("I") loved me (still "me" this time) and why you should continue to love me. I wanted to earn your trust again. I wanted to be great again. In short, you ("I") make me (“me”) want to be a better man. (One more and then I'll stop: You ("I") complete me.)

So, yes, I'm still snarky and smarmy. Yes, I still like word play and making up words. Yes, I still crack stupid (dry-witted) jokes at the invisible, often non-existent reader's expense, which are actually usually intended as loosely veiled backhanded self-compliments/insults (“self-negs”). Yes, I will still throw in some serious content, so I feel socially significant. I will also continue my pop-culture references, usually regarding a movie, a sporting event or a TV episode I've seen recently (and it's always safe to assume that I've seen an episode of "Lost" recently.) Yes, I'll still lavish false praise on myself. Yes, I'll still hyperbolically denigrate myself. Yes, I still won't mean either my self-aggrandizement or my self-deprecation. But, I'm still a law-man at the same firm, plugging away to the best of my ability. Yes, I'm still a hairy balding Jewish NYer that has a great deal of fatty-muscle. Yes, I still prize my family above all else. Yes, I still live in the same hallway-shaped, hallway-sized one-bedroom apartment that reminds me of something hallway-sh... probably a hallway. I'm still a hapless, clueless romantic single. Still dreadfully addicted to diet coke. Still secretly laugh at all my own jokes. Still openly willing to laugh at yours, should you ever say anything funny. Still spend sleepless nights pining over sleepful ones. And yes, I too still have got love for the streets.

So, what's new with the blog? Well, this time, it will have a lot of the same stuff, my thoughts, feelings, analyses, jokes, musings, concerns in the forms of reviews, stories, anecdotes, antidotes, tales, legends, notes, stream-of-consciousness non-sense, but this time... it might actually have have fake interviews with real celebrities or real or fake answers to your real or fake problems and emails. But in essence, it is the mental projection of my digital self, so it will only go as far as I can take it. But, in this blog, I am five inches taller than I am in real life, just like an actor or a basketball player, and I can work miracles with those five inches.

So, what can I add to this new blog? Well, aside from being one year wiser and three years more devilishly handsome, I'm also one year more experienced in the ways of the world, so I can nurture and provide for the blog, in ways that the younger me would not even fathom. What an idiot that guy was.
That guy predicted the wrong outcome in the Oscars (best actor), TV shows (ending of the Lost season), sports titles (bball championships), gave you bad life advice (go swimming on a full stomach), he left you hanging(he asked you to wait on-line and he never came back) and was just generally a misguided individual. As your unofficial blog of 2009, I can promise you, nay, I can guarantee you that I will henceforth get all of my predictions precisely accurate and... my devoted viewer, I will never lie to you again. And most importantly, I will never leave you again... until later today. And even if nothing I say is true or accurate or real or relevant or meaningful, know this, have faith in this one truth... I am here now.

So, with these few words, I beg you to take me back. Accept me for who I am, a filthy liar without any hope of reform, a foolishly horrible prognosticator of this predictable world, a shameless proselytizer of my own demented agenda and a human man with no discernible flaws. Sometimes my verbal grace seems heavenly or even ethereal, my knowledge base feels robotically and relentlessly mechanical, my writing style sounds primal and animalistically natural, my syntax looks otherworldly in its originality... but yes, I'm just a flawed man-boy, sent here with a higher calling... to please you... lingually.

In the one-year-interim, I wrote some political pieces about Obama-McCain that will never be relevant again (or ever seen at all) until I magically recycle it into something valuable. I almost started blogging again about Lost when I thought of an interesting religion/philosophy angle I should have exploited. I wanted to write an entry about Michael Jackson and how "Man in the Mirror" deeply affected my life when I finally paid attention to the lyrics for the first time (three years ago), but I'm opting against it. Ultimately, I've been busier socially, then I was last year and since I won't blog at work, and I still have my home routines, I am somewhat reluctant to get back into blogging on any steady basis. But, I am here now.

Essentially, when I'm here and writing, be here. Because I can make my words dance and make your mind sing my thoughts. And the least you can do for me, is give the site one hit... per hour... everyday... for the rest of your preter-naturally long life. I will try to update this blog from time to time, but if I don’t, baby, it’s not because I don’t care about you. It’s just because I care about something else more. Wait… that didn’t come out right. All I really mean is: I'm reaching through the wireless connections of the Internet and firmly grabbing a hold of a few moments of your time, but my meaningful/less and notably harmless rants are mere attempts to entertain myself and by extension, the person I care about most… you.

Yours always,
Mark "Papa Bear" Ellis

P.S. I encourage comments because I am self-indulgent and self-centered, but selflessly so.

P.P.S. If you would like to get a taste of my delicious blog, I recommend you start with "First Blog" (which is chronologically first from roughly October 2007ish) and follow it up by choosing a topic that interests you. Sometimes the post will be intended to be whimsical like this one, while other times, it may be satirical or emotionally evocative or intellectually provocative, but you'll get the idea and you'll judge it accordingly.
And may G-d bless all of you jerks.