ME Unlisted

Dear Sir or Madam,

Since the year is about to end and I am reserving my creativity for another time, rather than write entirely new entries, I am editing and reformatting some interesting things that I have never posted on my blog, but clearly belong on my blog (because they have nowhere else to go.)

A few months ago, when prompted by facebook friends' notes, I created a list of 25 things, which I aired exclusively on facebook. The first draft of this list was much more detailed than the final product, which was heavily edited/butchered because the list was meant to be a quick pithy project and not a diatribe. I remember thinking to myself that I should publish the longer list on my blog... but I was not employing my blog at that time, so I air the longer version of the list in its entirety (and below that, find the facebook list of 25 things as it was originally published.) Truthfully, given the depth and sometimes disjointed nature of each "thing," it's actually more like a 100 things about me, which would copy my buddy melanism's personal lists. Instead, I've cleverly disguised, combined and manipulated my list to "narrow it down" to 25 things.

To those of you who read my posted list, this might give you added incite into me, not just into these particular facts, but also how I chose what to remove.

So, first, you will see my way too long version of 25 things about me, then you will see the facebook list.

Take 1: Full Version (for facebook version- see below)

1. I love lists. I make lists out of everything I can, even lists that don't make sense, possibly because lists give me a false sense of organization and control in this chaotic world or probably because I really like counting.

2. My family means the world to me. I know everyone has problems with their family, but I tend to identify more with people who pride themselves on their families rather than their jobs or even their friends.

3. I never stop thinking. I can't shut my brain off, so I have some serious problems sleeping and am almost always tired. But because of the thinking and the time, I am generally prepared or at least not surprised by most outcomes as I've usually considered that particular scenario. Thus, when people think I'm sharp or quick or clever, it's not true, I actually just deduced in advance what you were going to say and was totally prepared for it. In other words, I'm not clever, you're just predictable.

4. I am not as normal as some people think I am, but I'm not half as weird or crazy as other people think. Basically, every one of you is wrong about me; and I'm right. Is that the definition of crazy; or is it the sign of genius? I would say, neither, but I know me better than you know me, which I guess makes me pretty normal.

5. I used to not like talking about myself, which created some problems when I was in therapy during college, but as you can see, now I can go on and on about me and how great I am.

6. I am great. I have doubts about this one, but I've thought about it a lot. I care about people, I make efforts to at least try to do the right thing, to be there when it's important and I almost never lose my temper. When motivated I have a fierce will power (though I'm almost never motivated). I have an above-average intelligence that sparks brightly from time to time. When I care about something, I devote myself entirely to it. Also, I can be awfully funny.

7. I am awful. I flake out on my friends all the time. I'm self-conscious about my appearance and about my impact on the world. I should work harder at all the things I don't care about. I forget names all the time. I have a terrible sense of time and direction. I never know where I was, the name of the place, the location, or when I was there. I'm messy. I can't multitask. I usually know what the best thing to do is, but I often avoid doing it anyway and make things harder on myself.

8. I cry regularly during movies, but just about never in real life. In a related matter, I love movies and TV. I'm not a huge music or art fan, and I rarely like anything live or reality-based.

9. I'm a sports fan, but I'm not a huge sports fan. I tend to root for certain players and I like a couple of teams, but I only occasionally like watching sports. Mainly, I watched sports when I was younger to identify with my father and brother and now, I watch football on Sundays because I get to watch it with my grandfather, so I became a fan artificially, rather than naturally. I don't like college sports or as I call them, little league.

10. I like playing sports. I like competing. I don't care too much about winning, but I hate losing. So, generally, if I win, you'll see me pretty stoic or moving on to the next thing, but if I lose, you'll see me sulking for awhile.

11. I ran track in high school. I was pretty fast and would win all the races in my gym classes, but on the track team, the coach (who was fired shortly after I left) made me run distance because of his penchant for seniority (and I'm short). Since I was never good at running long distances, I disliked it and dropped it relatively quickly. I'm still quicker than I look, but I am older and weigh a lot more than I did then, so... not so fast. For some reason, I'm still quite strong even though I don't go to the gym, but I guess it's genetic as both my parents are extremely athletic.

12. For work, I wear suits and ties, but outside of work, I used to subconsciously dress like Superman (blue and red shirts), but now I consciously dress like Superman.

13. I'm scared of everything: loud noises... things coming at me quickly... being rejected... being accepted... change... things staying the same... so, really, this should have gone in the section about how great I am, in that I overcome all of these things and I'm still somewhat functional.

14. I am awkward. If I have a superpower, this is it. Physically, I am sometimes awkward, my sentence structures are awkward and overly verbose, but most importantly, if I try, (and sometimes even without trying,) I can make just about anyone feel awkward without doing much at all. Seriously, I'm capable of projecting awkwardness. I have come to think about it as a plus, even though most people don't see it that way.

15. Socializing is work for me... sometimes dreadful tedious work. Sometimes, I have fun, but I almost never look forward to it. After seeing Yes Man, a movie that made my form of existence seem rather pathetic, I have been making more of an effort to be socially active. Effort helps.

16. I used to fight a lot when I was little (and generally I'd win, in fact I don't remember ever losing, but that's probably repression because I hate losing). When I was 14, I went through a pacifist phase (which was after my mafia phase) and didn't see the point of fighting. I fought only once since then, if you could call it a fight; in college, I was drunk and some other drunk guy was hassling a summer housemate; he threw a punch, then I threw one and decked him. After 5 seconds, I helped him up, and the three of us went to a party and got some beers. {I'm not counting the couple of times here and there, where I was involved in some good natured competitive wrestling or great natured, hall brawls.}

17. Aside from the therapy, I think what helped me open up most was starting a blog. Even though nobody reads it, it's cathartic to know something I created is out there, open to anyone who is willing to look for it. It was even a good fun blog at first, before I got bogged down in Lost.

18. I can rarely tell when I'm joking, when I'm being serious or when I'm flat out lying. Though, I rarely lie about anything, I joke about things all the time. I tend to think random is funny and self-depricating is funny. I'm pretty self-indulgent and self-centered and self-righteous, so it works out for me.

19. I love politics. I like lecturing about it, I like arguing about it, I like listening to it and I like thinking about it. If I wasn't afraid of losing, I might run for office. Though, members of my party don't generally win NYC elections. {I'm a Republican, not the bible thumping kind, but the tax-lowering, war-mongering kind.} But, I genuinely believe that just about everyone has valid thoughtful reasons for believing what they believe and, so I like active, live healthy discussions, and detest smear tactics.

20. I take everything personally. It might be too sensitive of me, but I have developed a pretty thick skin about it, so now, whether someone specifically is trying to be mean to me, which rarely happens, or whether someone is "unintentionally" mean or neglectful of me, I take it as an insult, but try to find some rationalization or justification for why I would deserve it, and then I try to brush it off either way.

21. I'm a huge fan of kids and I have no idea if I'd be half as good of a parent as mine are, but I think I'd be an excellent grandfather.

22. 22 is my favorite number. Some other favorites include- ice cream: vanilla, color: black, meal: Hunan Park's Kung Pao Chicken, movie: American Beauty, book (play): Romeo and Juliet, sport: football (though I follow basketball), dance: the Robot, song: varies depending on mood, but huge fan of "Man in the Mirror", painter: Chagall, TV show: current is Lost, all time it would be Seinfeld, Lost or Arrested Development; favorite country: USA, favorite city: NYC. I hate a few things like the Nazis, the beach and dental floss, but I have a special and unique hatred in my heart for vinegar.

23. I go through phases: most notably, at the end of college, I spent over a year sober just to prove to myself that I could (actually just about 18 months). In middle school, I ran a fake mafia (that earned me a lot of money by selling overpriced contraband, things my strict school would not allow like candy, soda, etc., complete with buyers, sellers, collection thugs, loans and even mechanisms for laundering the money through a shelter tutoring business), I've also spent weeks in high school where I emulated The Professional tending to a plant (that part lasted only a week) and drinking glasses of milk... a year when I ate pizza every single school day, a month as a vegetarian, a month without caffeine (that was hard) a month without IM, 5 years without medication of any kind, 5 days without sleep in college, 7 days without food in college. Other noteworthy things about me along the same vein: I have never taken any form of illegal drugs or even smoked a cigarette. I've smoked less than 10 cigars, but I don't care for them, and I've thought about having a pipe, but mainly for show.

24. I spend way more time thinking about good and evil and God and religion, philosophy and science, our place in the universe and my place in the world, then, I would care to admit, but I'm willing to admit it as generally as this.

25. I have great difficulty finishing things... like the novel, I started writing in law school, got halfway through and then bailed on (maybe it's because I've never owned a car... until this year, at the age of 29, when I kindof got my brother's hand-me-down car, then I temporarily owned a car.) But, I finished this list.


Take 2: Below are my facebook answers for anyone who cares to see the butchered/edited version of the above 25.

1. I like lists.
2. I'm a family-oriented person.
3. I think about stuff all the time, at the expense of sleep.
4. I'm in between normal and weird.
5. I used to feel uncomfortable talking about myself.
6. I have positive qualities like the fact that I just about never lose my temper.
7. I have negative qualities like I can't multitask.
8. I cry in movies.
9. I like sports, but not that much.
10. I like competing, hate losing, but don't care about winning (tying is losing).
11. I ran track in high school, but if we held try-outs today, I wouldn't make the team.
12. I knowingly dress in Superman colors.
13. I'm scared of lots of mundane things.
14. My superpower is awkwardness. I can project it onto others.
15. I much prefer staying in to going out. Going out is hard work for me.
16. I used to fight a lot when I was a kid.
17. My blog helped me.
18. I'm an entertainer of the bored, if they have time.
19. I care about politics.
20. I take everything personally.
21. I might make an excellent grandfather.
22. is my favorite number. I have a few other favorites things. I hate vinegar.
23. I test myself from time to time.
24. I think about big issues much more than I talk about them.
25. I have trouble finishing things, including a half of a novel I wrote in law school.

STET(ish)

I edited them both a tiny bit to make them up to date, but kept most of the mistakes as they were.

Thank you for reading, your welcome for caring,
Papa Bear (ME)