My fellow Americans and Others,
there were three major events that occurred this weekend and they will possibly culminate in a major political event on Tuesday.
So, I will go in chronological order of my thoughts. (Sunday, Saturday, Thursday). My thoughts first turn to Sunday evening's best football game of the day, the Super Bowl (henceforth referred to as the "Superbowl".) On its own, the Bowl was an excellent game, but in context, it was a game for the ages. How many story lines could you want in one football game? 10? Let's try it out.
1) Beating of a Lifetime: this cool handsome quarterback, captain of his football team, looked more like the dork getting pummeled and wedgied in the bathroom of high schools everywhere (on TV. I was a huge dork and I was never beaten up.)
2) History Making Team, Fails to Make History: never has a team gone undefeated in a football season (and by never, I mean, since the 80's when life began.) This "best team ever" did not live up to their tremendous offensive hype, and their even greater offensive potential. Their solid, but exhausted defense failed them in the 4th quarter (including an Asante Samuel drop that would have effectively ended the game.)
3) Biggest Upset Ever: this was not the biggest upset ever, or even the biggest upset in Superbowl history, but its easily one of the great upsets of all time. The Giants played an amazing game, living up to their talent level, particularly on defense and they effectively beat a New England team that beat every major playoff team this year, (except the Favrettes,) including the Giants. What a magnificent game by the Giants defense, stopping the run entirely and hitting Brady over and over again. And, it was a very good game by the offense, producing when it mattered most. But, it's not the biggest upset ever because these were two great teams playing against each other. We did not necessarily know the Giants were a "great" team before the playoffs started, but by the Super Bowl, sorry, the Superbowl, we knew this was a team capable of competing with anyone. I still thought they would lose and thought people were naive to think the Giants would win, but they were a great team playing against a greater team (both teams were on the road) and those upsets happen all the time.
4) Manning 2- the younger, scraggly brother of last year's Superbowl champion comes out and wins the Superbowl, despite multiple seasons of doubting, and a full season's worth of detractors. He out-Brady-ed Brady, both of whom came down for late 4th quarter drives to take the lead and win the game, but of course, Manning won. He threw an interception that was not his fault, but he also threw other passes that could/should have been intercepted, so I leave the actual interception on his official and unofficial record as a fair estimate of how well he played, great at times, too loose with the ball, at other times. Overall, it was a very good game, and great day for him. He played better than Brad Johnson when he won his Superbowl, so he was more of a Manning than a Dilfer.
5) Stars Being Stars- Manning (discussed above), Brady (still had a great day despite the beat down with well over 200 yards passing and a TD, no interceptions, a fumble that meant nothing, and had a game winning drive (though not with 30 seconds left), Moss (1 TD), Plax (1 TD), Welker (11 receptions, 100 yards), Strahan, Umenyiora, Tuck (my choice for MVP of the game), Samuel, Adalius T., and many more. Notably, the running backs were weak, particularly the New England running backs (which may have contributed to the game's excitement). But, the hero of the game was... Giants wide receiver (scrub wide receiver with 4 catches this year and often plays defense), David Tyree, with the Helmet Catch. What? Wait... who?
6) The Helmet Catch- great games have defining plays, and this was it. It was 3rd and long for the Giants in their own territory with around 1 minute left in the game and a big play was required. It starts with a snap. Within moments, New England's defense had gotten through the offensive line's wall, as the Giants play, known as the Phantom begins to fall apart, and the Patriots get to Manning himself, with Adalius Thomas even grabbing a hold of the young gun slinger's jersey. Through sheer will, he tore himself from the clutches of the mighty defensive playmaker and found himself a bit of a clearing in a disintegrating pocket. Then, he waited a moment to gather himself (and possibly look downfield), before he launched what could only be referred to as a Hail Mary to Tyree, or more likely anyone who was beyond the first down marker. Already an incredible play becomes legendary as the ball hangs in the air for seconds, apparently destined for Patriot hands. But, out of nowhere, Tyree sticks his mitt in the air to try to catch it. Because the ball was out of his reach, the embattled receiver could not catch the ball with two hands, and because the ball was not thrown in a spiral, he had no chance to catch the ball in one palm (a rare feat that I have seen a select few players accomplish during a game, including Randy Moss). So, he brought the ball down with his hand and pressed it firmly against the back part of his round helmet. Did, I forget to mention that he was being hit by Rodney Harrison, one of the most feared and dirty players in the league, doing everything he could to prevent the catch. Harrison knocked Tyree flat on his back. To sum up, this guy must have reached 10 feet in the air, grabbed the ball with his outstretched hand and pushed it against his helmet, while being hit, and landing from that great leap, flat on his back. Of course he kept holding the ball long after his body collided with the floor resulting in a giant thud. If that was the go ahead touchdown play, that would perhaps be the finest moment in Superbowl history. Alas, it wasn't a touchdown, and Manning's touchdown pass to Tyree (yes, the same unheralded guy,) which occurred minutes earlier, was notable only as a good play design, a good route, and a great pass from Manning. But, the Helmet Catch will live on as the defining play of one of the greatest Superbowls ever and one of the great upsets in sports.
7) I Was Wrong: my prediction, Patriots winning by 13, was wrong, and my being wrong is rare. So savor the flavor. And it is one of the even fewer times, I am happy to be wrong, (even as a Jets fan.)
8) Coach-Off: Coughlin out-coached the man who is often considered the greatest football coach of all time*. (Asterisk refers to the 2007 cheating scandal that may extend as far back as 2002, where perhaps he cheated his way into Superbowl glory against the Rams by taping the Rams and Warner's practices.) The cheating coach and Coughlin coached together for the NY Giants under Parcells, before the New England coach landed in his current locale (and before his failed stint in Cleveland) and coached a Patriots team with very few big-named players to almost dynasty status during the age of parity and salary cap restrictions. His defensive schemes and planning are legendary, perhaps using the techniques garnered from watching the videos of the play calling. Maybe not, who knows? Coughlin, on the other hand, was on the firing block, as recently as, this year.
9) Karma Police: the Giants notably had good karma, having been mercilessly attacked for weeks on end because of coaching and QB questions, even by former running backs (see the Boston Sports Guy's (Bill Simmons's) Tiki Theory (formerly the Ewing Theory) for details about improving after the loss of a major star), but handling the questions with style and class. They played in England, sacrificing a home game this year (they were much worse at home, so it turned out to work in their favor, but that's my point). Then, of course, on Week 17, a game that meant nothing to the Giants, and risked injury to their players, they went out and fought valiantly and gave us a great show, only to fall in a shoot out to these Patriots. Additionally, New England was caught cheating, ran up the score against lesser opponents, and was generally surly towards the media. It's almost as if there is a balance in the universe that benefits the decent and the righteous.
10) Yankees-Red Sox square off again: the two most obnoxious fan bases in the nation, mainly because of their prolonged rivalry that enraptures the East Coast biased media, was set on a different stage. This game was not supposed to grow any rivalry because the Giants were not supposed to have a chance. But, guess what? They won. As a Mets/Jets fan, who bares no ill will for the fans of either fan base, I acknowledge that the rivalry between two major market teams is good for the sport and the revenue for the sport, the advertisers, and the media, ala the ulitmate sports rivalry, Bird-Magic. But, still, if you are not a fan, sometimes I am often off-put by their sense of entitlement (and long for a day when my teams are so good that I have that same sense of entitlement to championships). I often find myself cheering against both teams, but I still kinda like the Giants, and I like Jeter in the same way I like Brady, and it's tough for me to root against a New York team... unless it's the Knicks (who unceremoniously traded away all of my favorite players in Ewing, Oakley, Jackson, and then slowly declined to the depths of depravity.)
Lots of other stories arose, like might these two teams meet up in the future? But, the future is a tale for another time. So, I digress.
This Saturday, I made the novelty purchase that is the Wii. For those of you who don't know anything about it, it is a videogame system, in which instead of using your fingers to press buttons, you use your body and act out the movements as motion sensors inform the computer regarding your intentions. My friend arrived at the Wii location at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning (and was 40th in line) and waited an hour and a half to acquire and obtain this system for his fiance. The company's strategy seems to be working as the system came out over a year ago, and people are still flocking at ridiculous times, for ridiculous spans to get the system. I was 97th in line, and there were only 3 systems left after I got one. The line still had 30 people who were not going to go home with a Wii that day.
The Wii experience is unique because the boxing game if played in succession is a thoroughly exhausting workout. So, of course, I played it until I couldn't move, and then I worked on my ducking. The most intense part of the boxing game is the 5 second break in between rounds. The other notable game that comes with the system, is the most popular game, as far as I can tell, tennis. It's a very solid game, that permits you to feel like you are playing tennis (even though I suspect, actual tennis form is not necessary.)
The third reason that I got the Wii is because it provided a great conversation piece at a dinner I was at, it brought over family and friend guests that have never before come to my apartment, as if the video game system, somehow gave my apartment newfound credibility and panache.
And the final Super thing from this past weekend, was the debut of Lost on Thursday. Doc Jenson pretty much explained everything I would say about the episode (and more), and www.melanism.com added incites and questions, except that I will add my favorite part of the episode was the befuddling line by Hurley in the flash forward, paraphrased, "I should have gone with you." Did that mean Jack was right to trust Naomi and the nearby vessel (it certainly doesn't appear so), or that Jack's plan was still preferable to Locke's plan, which doomed the castaways? Or did it mean something else entirely like the division of the two groups was hurt the group's chances of staying together (off the island)?
It was also a particularly creepy episode with the Oceanic flight attorney who had no business cards, (which makes him a liar,) Hurley's (hallucinatory?) visions of fish and Charlie), Jack shooting Locke sans bullets, and of course, seeing a shadowed Christian Shephard sitting in Jacob's rocking chair, with Locke's frightening eye to protect him and ward off all voyeurs.
Also, in the battle of faith versus science, is faith still in the lead? Probably, at least in part because Jack's opinion about going back to the island changes in between that Hurley visit day and bearded suicidal day in the future. What changed his mind? Was it Charlie visions? Was it Locke's/Ben's arguments? Was it me?
Who are the Oceanic 6? Kate might not count because she might have used an assumed name or snuck off somehow to avoid jailtime. Aaron might not count because he's a baby.
But, I will count, Jack (see last episode of Season 3), Hurley (first episode of Season 4), Kate, Claire (and Aaron because of Desmond's vision of Charlie dying to save Claire and Aaron), Sawyer (because he's a survivor), and Ben (who is not from the Oceanic flight, but I'm working on a theory). Your guess is better than mine.
If you can vote in the primaries/caucuses, which I rarely do and probably won't, I encourage you to vote. Since, you are voting already, you might as well vote for my candidates, McCain or Obama, because why not? Looks like these primaries are coming down to the wire like the Superbowl, with stars being stars and crushing hits. It's as exhausting as the Wii, and almost as mysterious as Lost. Yeah, generally, I don't like reality TV, but 5-10 years from now, this group of people might affect my life, unlike the Real World jerks or the dancing B list stars or the guy with gray hair who won American Idle (sic).
Hope everyone has a great Monday, followed by a Super Duper Tuesday.
Take care,
Papa Bear
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Monday, February 4, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Superbowl Fever
Dear Superfans,
I wanted to start by saying that Heath Ledger's loss was untimely and must be tragic for those who knew him and care about him personally, but even for mere movie fans everywhere, his loss was extremely disheartening. Not only was he a young man (in his twenties) with a great deal of promise as an actor, but he had already started to show some of that promise in a variety, a very wide variety of roles, starting with the teen angst film (Shakespeare adaptation), 10 Things I Hate About You where he played the role of mysterious bad boy courts unattainable girl very well. He also played the poor boy who through luck, effort, and wits, has to earn his spot at the proverbial table in a Knight's Tale, (very loose Chaucer adaptation). He also played the valiantly rebellious son of a reluctant warrior in the Patriot (a Mel Gibson from Braveheart adaptation). And many people have pointed to his well acknowledged role in Brokeback Mountain that demonstrated he had the range to play a serious lead, but if you saw Monster's Ball, I think you would have known his acting chops long before. It was at that point, where he stood up to Billy Bob Thornton, both within the movie and as an actor, that his potential was revealed. Moreover, he was about to have his big break, and jump from independent movie star to A list movie star, in the guise of the Joker in the upcoming Batman flick. Now, it will be eerie watching him play the maniacal villain, whether he plays the role perfectly or imperfectly; that movie is now haunted. So, I express my deepest sorrow for those that loved him, and take solace in the many bright years that he gave us.
So, while I don't intend to demean a young man's demise, I do want to give my incites into the football season that is now winding down. I wanted to congratulate Brett Favre for another fantastic season that like so many of his seasons are filled with great question marks, inexplicable flubs, and wondrous magic. This team that for most of the season worked without a go-to running back was forced onto the mythic shoulders of the living legend, who helped carry them to a 13-3 record. Of course, he will be blamed for poor decisions and a poor throw in the freezer bowl that gave the Giants the victory, but to be fair, look at their running game. In cold weather, in harsh climates, running becomes supremely important. Much to their credit, the Giants stuffed Green Bay's running attack and forced Favre to throw the ball just about every time. GB ended up with around 30 yards rushing, which is terrible, but in the cold, it's even worse. So, criticize Favre all you want, not just his numerous interceptions and fatal overtime interception, or even for having almost no passing game after the first half, but I credit the Giants defense for stopping the run, which ultimately put more pressure on Favre then he could handle, particularly with the Giants playing adequately on offense.
Speaking of the Giants offense, Manning had another above average game, which reminded me of a couple of quarterbacks: Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson (not Brady or older brother Manning), which is not what Giants fans want to hear, except that those guys won superbowls too by playing small games. By managing the clock (not turning the ball over) and utilizing the Giants multi-faceted running game, he could use the Giants very good receivers (Plaxico Buress is probably a top 5 receiver in the game and Toomer is a solid secondary receiver) to achieve great things, even in this final game. They won a classic game against the Favre-ettes in the freezing cold, and before that they dispatched of the highly talented Cowboys by limiting Romo, a guy with a heck of lot of moxy, some skill, some leadership, and a down-to-earth personality that will keep him in the playoff hunt for years to come, (but he will have to play well in the playoffs to be the truly great player he can be (in my book)). By limiting Romo, they limited Owens, who is definitely a top 5 receiver in the game (however ornery he is), and Witten who is a very good TE. And they did all this with their steady presence on defense, Strahan hampered, and without a fiery gifted tight end in Shockey (however ornery he is).
But, that having been said, it is my firm opinion that the AFC is much better than the NFC, and whoever emerged from the AFC would be champions. I would favor the AFC even it was the Jaguars who made it to the Superbowl led by Garard, who is a better version of Brad Johnson as their QB, and 2 solid running backs in addition to their physical defense and lines. Indianapolis would have a tough time against the Giants because the Indy D is small and quick and Jacobs could run over them, but Sanders would prevent major flubs on D and the the Indy O is almost as effective as the New England O in that the receivers, when healthy are almost as good and the running back is probably slightly better. Or how about a healthy San Diego with the best TE around, a great defense with Cromartie to guard Moss or Plaxico and Merriman to steroid up the group. Of course, they also have the best RB around (if he plays). I don't blame LT for not playing or for keeping his Darth Vader helmet on throughout the game as he sat quietly on the sidelines saddened by his inability to contribute. My only critique of him is that if he wanted to look like Vader, he should have played for the Empire, his opponent.
No, Belichick is not evil per se, in that he may be a very nice man, good to his family and friends, and a hugely charitable philanthropist. He may be kind to dogs and strangers, and a decent tipper to waiters. I honestly have no idea if he is a budhist monk or a war hero or if he volunteers reading my blog to the blind (although, why would he torture the blind?). But, I do know his football life, and I know his players are among the most physically illegally aggressive (from other players' stories), he was caught cheating by spying (at least twice) [if any otherwise unattainable information was garnered, it would certainly allow him to make better play calls, which would put his team in a better position to stop an offensive play or to know where the other team's defensive holes will be for his own offensive plays, which would in turn give his team a competitive advantage on any given play. How is that not helpful and how is a draft pick a sufficient punishment for that? I don't care that other guys are doing the same thing and have not been caught, we caught him. Should we not punish one speeder because other people are also speeding, see LeBron James. (I would have used murderers or corrupt CEO's instead of speeders, but it would have clouded the issue of letting one person go because other people are doing the same illegal thing.)] Additionally, the guy cuts ties with people who leave his organization like Mangini (not a huge betrayal to leave your job for a promotion somewhere else, is it?), he badmouthed Tony Dungy, and he classlessly ran up the scores against opponents like he bet on "the over" or that New England would beat the spread. So, he is as evil a football coach as we are going to get. Throw in the fact that he has a temper as bad as Parcells with none of the media access and we have ourselves a Star Wars character. The hooded sweatshirt (and tactical brilliance) makes him the ideal candidate for Emperor, working behind the scenes as he puts on the veneer of legitimacy, while his minions ravage the other team. Now, who would his shiny apprentice be, would he be a coach or a player that unquestioningly follows the emperor's orders? Would he be a guy who wears fancy duds and is the face of the Empire? Would he inspire fear in all his enemies with his inhuman skill and cold, calculating demeanor, which manifests into brilliant ability whenever required? I am a fan of Brady as much as the next non-Pats fan, but I really like how this analogy works.
The real question is: can the golden locks and the boyish {cough} charm of Eli Manning play the foil to Brady's cool dark veneer? Keep in mind, Vader won the first fight against Luke pretty easily. But, these two teams have also played before. By the way, I would totally make Parcells Yoda in this way over extended metaphor. And, New England's defense is stacked with playmakers from Asante Samuel to Bruschi to Adalius Thomas to Vrabel to Harrison to Colvin. And their O line is solid not letting people pressure Brady. The RB situation is satisfactory and the receivers are extraordinary with Moss, the most talented (and second best receiver) of all time leading the pack with great height extraordinary athleticism and great hands. Wes Welker is an incredibly speedy and steadfast slot or 3rd down receiver and Stallworth who is extremely talented and will get open if the other teams over protect Moss and Welker. This receiving core with its additions of Sammy Morris and a smattering of other receivers is better than Warner's Bruce and Holt combo and is slightly better than the Harrison, Wayne, Stokely, and TE combos that gave Manning the record a few years back, which probably makes it the best all time (and better than the Moss Carter Minnesota receivers). I can't vouch for the receivers of yesteryear, even Rice's receivers, and I know the rules have changed, the training regimens have changed, and various events have changed making comparisons difficult, but the highest QB TD total in an outdoor stadium team is telling of something. Yes, Brady and P. Manning are on a different level than the other quarterbacks playing at their prime playing today, but their protective lines and receivers are special, historically special.
So, you know who I am predicting, but yes, I would be pleasantly surprised to see the Giants win. I wanted to do a Power 15 list like Peter King does in his Monday Morning QB articles for SI, ranking the top 15 football teams, but I didn't want to steal his bit. I do love lists (extra points if someone has the legitimate word for a list-ophile) and though I do like applying the lists to everything (See my list of the 100 greatest geniuses), I particularly enjoy listing things related to sports. So, this list discussion foreshadows an upcoming basketball list of my choosing (yet to be determined) probably 2-3 articles from now.
Superfan #22,
MPBE
PS: New England Patriots 34, New York/New Jersey Giants 21.
I wanted to start by saying that Heath Ledger's loss was untimely and must be tragic for those who knew him and care about him personally, but even for mere movie fans everywhere, his loss was extremely disheartening. Not only was he a young man (in his twenties) with a great deal of promise as an actor, but he had already started to show some of that promise in a variety, a very wide variety of roles, starting with the teen angst film (Shakespeare adaptation), 10 Things I Hate About You where he played the role of mysterious bad boy courts unattainable girl very well. He also played the poor boy who through luck, effort, and wits, has to earn his spot at the proverbial table in a Knight's Tale, (very loose Chaucer adaptation). He also played the valiantly rebellious son of a reluctant warrior in the Patriot (a Mel Gibson from Braveheart adaptation). And many people have pointed to his well acknowledged role in Brokeback Mountain that demonstrated he had the range to play a serious lead, but if you saw Monster's Ball, I think you would have known his acting chops long before. It was at that point, where he stood up to Billy Bob Thornton, both within the movie and as an actor, that his potential was revealed. Moreover, he was about to have his big break, and jump from independent movie star to A list movie star, in the guise of the Joker in the upcoming Batman flick. Now, it will be eerie watching him play the maniacal villain, whether he plays the role perfectly or imperfectly; that movie is now haunted. So, I express my deepest sorrow for those that loved him, and take solace in the many bright years that he gave us.
So, while I don't intend to demean a young man's demise, I do want to give my incites into the football season that is now winding down. I wanted to congratulate Brett Favre for another fantastic season that like so many of his seasons are filled with great question marks, inexplicable flubs, and wondrous magic. This team that for most of the season worked without a go-to running back was forced onto the mythic shoulders of the living legend, who helped carry them to a 13-3 record. Of course, he will be blamed for poor decisions and a poor throw in the freezer bowl that gave the Giants the victory, but to be fair, look at their running game. In cold weather, in harsh climates, running becomes supremely important. Much to their credit, the Giants stuffed Green Bay's running attack and forced Favre to throw the ball just about every time. GB ended up with around 30 yards rushing, which is terrible, but in the cold, it's even worse. So, criticize Favre all you want, not just his numerous interceptions and fatal overtime interception, or even for having almost no passing game after the first half, but I credit the Giants defense for stopping the run, which ultimately put more pressure on Favre then he could handle, particularly with the Giants playing adequately on offense.
Speaking of the Giants offense, Manning had another above average game, which reminded me of a couple of quarterbacks: Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson (not Brady or older brother Manning), which is not what Giants fans want to hear, except that those guys won superbowls too by playing small games. By managing the clock (not turning the ball over) and utilizing the Giants multi-faceted running game, he could use the Giants very good receivers (Plaxico Buress is probably a top 5 receiver in the game and Toomer is a solid secondary receiver) to achieve great things, even in this final game. They won a classic game against the Favre-ettes in the freezing cold, and before that they dispatched of the highly talented Cowboys by limiting Romo, a guy with a heck of lot of moxy, some skill, some leadership, and a down-to-earth personality that will keep him in the playoff hunt for years to come, (but he will have to play well in the playoffs to be the truly great player he can be (in my book)). By limiting Romo, they limited Owens, who is definitely a top 5 receiver in the game (however ornery he is), and Witten who is a very good TE. And they did all this with their steady presence on defense, Strahan hampered, and without a fiery gifted tight end in Shockey (however ornery he is).
But, that having been said, it is my firm opinion that the AFC is much better than the NFC, and whoever emerged from the AFC would be champions. I would favor the AFC even it was the Jaguars who made it to the Superbowl led by Garard, who is a better version of Brad Johnson as their QB, and 2 solid running backs in addition to their physical defense and lines. Indianapolis would have a tough time against the Giants because the Indy D is small and quick and Jacobs could run over them, but Sanders would prevent major flubs on D and the the Indy O is almost as effective as the New England O in that the receivers, when healthy are almost as good and the running back is probably slightly better. Or how about a healthy San Diego with the best TE around, a great defense with Cromartie to guard Moss or Plaxico and Merriman to steroid up the group. Of course, they also have the best RB around (if he plays). I don't blame LT for not playing or for keeping his Darth Vader helmet on throughout the game as he sat quietly on the sidelines saddened by his inability to contribute. My only critique of him is that if he wanted to look like Vader, he should have played for the Empire, his opponent.
No, Belichick is not evil per se, in that he may be a very nice man, good to his family and friends, and a hugely charitable philanthropist. He may be kind to dogs and strangers, and a decent tipper to waiters. I honestly have no idea if he is a budhist monk or a war hero or if he volunteers reading my blog to the blind (although, why would he torture the blind?). But, I do know his football life, and I know his players are among the most physically illegally aggressive (from other players' stories), he was caught cheating by spying (at least twice) [if any otherwise unattainable information was garnered, it would certainly allow him to make better play calls, which would put his team in a better position to stop an offensive play or to know where the other team's defensive holes will be for his own offensive plays, which would in turn give his team a competitive advantage on any given play. How is that not helpful and how is a draft pick a sufficient punishment for that? I don't care that other guys are doing the same thing and have not been caught, we caught him. Should we not punish one speeder because other people are also speeding, see LeBron James. (I would have used murderers or corrupt CEO's instead of speeders, but it would have clouded the issue of letting one person go because other people are doing the same illegal thing.)] Additionally, the guy cuts ties with people who leave his organization like Mangini (not a huge betrayal to leave your job for a promotion somewhere else, is it?), he badmouthed Tony Dungy, and he classlessly ran up the scores against opponents like he bet on "the over" or that New England would beat the spread. So, he is as evil a football coach as we are going to get. Throw in the fact that he has a temper as bad as Parcells with none of the media access and we have ourselves a Star Wars character. The hooded sweatshirt (and tactical brilliance) makes him the ideal candidate for Emperor, working behind the scenes as he puts on the veneer of legitimacy, while his minions ravage the other team. Now, who would his shiny apprentice be, would he be a coach or a player that unquestioningly follows the emperor's orders? Would he be a guy who wears fancy duds and is the face of the Empire? Would he inspire fear in all his enemies with his inhuman skill and cold, calculating demeanor, which manifests into brilliant ability whenever required? I am a fan of Brady as much as the next non-Pats fan, but I really like how this analogy works.
The real question is: can the golden locks and the boyish {cough} charm of Eli Manning play the foil to Brady's cool dark veneer? Keep in mind, Vader won the first fight against Luke pretty easily. But, these two teams have also played before. By the way, I would totally make Parcells Yoda in this way over extended metaphor. And, New England's defense is stacked with playmakers from Asante Samuel to Bruschi to Adalius Thomas to Vrabel to Harrison to Colvin. And their O line is solid not letting people pressure Brady. The RB situation is satisfactory and the receivers are extraordinary with Moss, the most talented (and second best receiver) of all time leading the pack with great height extraordinary athleticism and great hands. Wes Welker is an incredibly speedy and steadfast slot or 3rd down receiver and Stallworth who is extremely talented and will get open if the other teams over protect Moss and Welker. This receiving core with its additions of Sammy Morris and a smattering of other receivers is better than Warner's Bruce and Holt combo and is slightly better than the Harrison, Wayne, Stokely, and TE combos that gave Manning the record a few years back, which probably makes it the best all time (and better than the Moss Carter Minnesota receivers). I can't vouch for the receivers of yesteryear, even Rice's receivers, and I know the rules have changed, the training regimens have changed, and various events have changed making comparisons difficult, but the highest QB TD total in an outdoor stadium team is telling of something. Yes, Brady and P. Manning are on a different level than the other quarterbacks playing at their prime playing today, but their protective lines and receivers are special, historically special.
So, you know who I am predicting, but yes, I would be pleasantly surprised to see the Giants win. I wanted to do a Power 15 list like Peter King does in his Monday Morning QB articles for SI, ranking the top 15 football teams, but I didn't want to steal his bit. I do love lists (extra points if someone has the legitimate word for a list-ophile) and though I do like applying the lists to everything (See my list of the 100 greatest geniuses), I particularly enjoy listing things related to sports. So, this list discussion foreshadows an upcoming basketball list of my choosing (yet to be determined) probably 2-3 articles from now.
Superfan #22,
MPBE
PS: New England Patriots 34, New York/New Jersey Giants 21.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
ReRunning Entertainment
Reader, my Reader,
So, even though politics season is in full swing, I feel it is important to remember what the politics are all about, so I have decided to dedicate one webisode of the blog per week to why we fight these political battles. And, so you ask, why am I so interested in the politics of the day? Because U.S. politics is about choice. And to me, choice means television. And television has basically been shut off, so I am left grasping at American Gladiators, which is still pretty entertaining, a few special moments on various other television programs, and an overrated 2007 film Ratatouille (which I on-demanded) about a rat that wants to be a chef. If I was a kid, I might have liked this animated film, and if I were a chef, I might’ve enjoyed the passion for the artistry, but overall the journey was not very funny, and the messages were not strongly conveyed, and I did not identify with Patton Oswalt's character. Overall, it was a pretty bland piece of cinematic garbage. It wasn’t bad garbage, but it was disappointing, which brings me back to my original point, which was… I am furious at those dang TV writers.
I don’t really care whether the writers deserve the extra $50 bucks from Internet revenue or the health insurance benefits for their cats, or anything else, but, they should go back to work. If you think about it, a strike itself is pretty much a selfish endeavor. Of course, there are many people who are extremely deserving of more money, improved working conditions, and better amenities, and if they are living a destitute life because the owners or managers are being tremendously unfair, then I can totally understand and respect the right of the workers to strike. Additionally, if someone is dramatically underpaid, such as a group of people who earn minimum wage when they are the driving irreplaceable force behind a successful company or industry. But the writers, like the New York City transit workers, and somewhat like the athletes who strike from time to time are paid sufficiently (handsomely? probably not) for their efforts, and they are upset that they are not being paid the proper value (which they define differently than market price) for their efforts.
The problem with the strike (or a lockout from the manager's perspective) for attaining the desired goals is that it hurts people other than the intended, the owners. Usually, these bystanders can less afford to be hurt then the owners. How am I supposed to have sympathy for writers when they are starving out the set designers?
Writers, in particular, are an unsympathetic group (like in the case of baseball players), because they have a job that nearly hundreds of people dream of. And, it is hard to believe that many people with the same or almost the same amount of talent (unlike baseball players) would not do the job for less money. Of course, there is a calculation that would derive sympathy from even the harsher strike critics, by which if people in a profession are grossly underpaid, woefully undervalued, or in dire poverty, it would thereby be acceptable to harm the other innocents that are depending on the continued regular creation of the product. If the issue is being slightly underpaid or slightly overpaid, then it strikes me as an overreaction and selfish to walk out and leave an entire industry destitute. Mainly, they are not thinking about people like me.
People like me: Non-writers, sure they are hurting the prop guys and the cameramen, and the caterers, and the… I could go on if I knew anything about TV other than the TV Set. I’m not sure if they have the support of those unions, but really who cares if unions support each other, they are helping other unions when they demonstrate the power of unions, they are harming the people in those craft unions. And what if they don’t get the raises or whatever demands they sought, then that union, and all unions lose out, and the individual writers lose out on close to a year’s salary, and the individual non-writer’s lose out on a year’s salary. Try telling that to the camera guy’s kids.
But, most importantly, they are harming me. What about all the people like me out there, for example, me, who have had to suffer at the hands of the tyrannical writer’s union with Tina Fey and her lot of critical essayists ridiculing the entertainment system that we all know and love. What about all of the entertainment I have missed out on? Sure, I take solace in the fact that for every episode of The Office that is being cut from the season, an episode of Two and a Half Men is mercifully being cut as well. But, what about all of that reality TV I am being left with? What am I supposed to do with that? I'm not going to watch it, if that's what you're thinking. So, we need some creative solutions.
How about this? Would anybody even notice if they replayed Friends over with the same dialogue, but changing the the actors and the names of the characters. I wouldn’t. It was a pretty solid show, and good for a laugh with a little emotional attachment to the characters, adequately performed by all the parties involved. But, it was a generic show filled with interchangeable or fungible (a fancy way of saying interchangeable) parts. That having been said, I don’t object to rerecording the whole show. So, someone out there, retool Friends with the high concept of Friends meets Friends, set on the other side of Central Park at a coffeehouse called Central Pork, and hopefully, NBC will replay it. If they outsourced the whole thing to India or Mexico, they can even do it on the cheap and hire "Steven Spielbergo", (the director's Mexican equivalent- a Simpson's reference) to direct. Jack Black and Mos Def are coming out with a similar movie about reshooting all of the major movies of the last several years. Movies are slightly different, because TV shows run out of plot lines, and they are encouraged to use all of the same material that worked the first time.
Well, there you go, so something should be done about the strikes, and to prevent such strikes in general. For example, if unions could work together and strike together, then corporations should be able to strike together because the balance has shifted in another direction. But, rather than resort to multi-lateral negotiations, allowing the corporations to unionize, which would otherwise be referred to as collusion and lead to anti-trust lawsuits, there should be a strike czar. Some professions are not permitted to strike because of safety issues or because of their relative importance to society. For example, police officers or firefighters are not permitted to strike, or air traffic controllers are not permitted to strike because without them, planes would not be able to land (which means that they would not take off, rather than they would fly around forever... or until they ran out of gas and crashed).
So, a strike czar would be in charge of determining whether a certain group of people (or profession) could strike or whether they are not permitted to strike. The job would entail determining whether to assign mandatory arbitration. Then, if arbitration would be assigned, the arbitrators would look to the affordability to the investor/owner/manager/producer and merit of the workers along with all other relevant information. But, the arbitration would not be binding because you cannot force someone to work (See slavery) or a company to maintain its employees (See unemployment); it would mainly be used to decide who should rightly be villified in the court of public opinion. Right now, we are a divided nation, between the red television watchers and the blue television watchers, who respectively believe that the writers should go back to work and stop demanding anything from their employers and the blue TV watchers that believe that the owners are being greedy and hoarding profits. A neutral arbitration would allow us all to hate on one side. It wouldn’t be binding because people can always decide not to work by refusing to work/quitting (which would lead to firings) and/ or refusing to pay/firings (which would lead quitting and lawsuits.)
Moreover, this job, and this level of leadership could not be controlled by the special interest groups because then money would win out and the forces of establishment and the status quo would reign for a seeming eternity (and people would not have a say). It could not be allowed to remain unchecked by the passions of the people because then it would heavily favor the majority of the people, the poorer and more disparaged of the two sides, and it would run the business out of business. So, this kaiser should split the reason and the passion and just operate based on cat-like instincts.
Now, I would like to throw my hat in the ring for a job like this because I have cat-like instincts when it comes to matters of strikes. I knew instantly that the Anthracite Coal Mining Strike of 1902 was a necessary strike and those coal miners deserved some better treatment. Likewise, I can determine when the Boston Police Department needs a raise and are denied the raise, they cannot go on strike because I would rather have unhappy police officers than none (though barely, and I would not want them to be unhappy with me, so my mind can be changed).
Should it be an appointed position? No, because there is too much political posturing and gamesmanship about someone with this much influence. Should it be an elected official? No, because then we have the passions of the people swaying these mostly logical debates. Should it be a write-in or video-contest ala American Idol? No, because who would judge that process. Thus, there are few alternatives other than the logical solution: the position should be seized. And to avoid the temporary persuasion of the people or the long term convincing of the moneyed interests, it should be a lifelong position... preferably passed onto the next generation, so that there are no issue of succession. Lest a person not leave an heir to be strike czar, then succession should be determined by sheer will. The position is titled after a monarchist governmental system anyway, so why not go all the way?
Now, I would like to throw my hat in the ring and then to seize all the other hats to grab hold of this position. But, all of those coal miner strikes could be depressing, so since I am in charge, I leave out those types of strikes from my jurisdictional authority, and in Marbury v. Madison fashion, I decide the extent of my own power, and decree that I only have the authority to decide on strikes in entertaining disputes because that’s all the American people or me care about.
Okay, so, this is all a pipe dream, but can you blame me? My mind is racing from a lack of new television during TV season and it is in my nature to dream and I want to put a stop to it. Instead, because of all of this political excitement, my mind is centered on power, and why don’t the politicians come down hard on the TV issue or the athlete steroids issue. Sure, they are irrelevant to governing, but goshdarnit, someone’s got to talk about these issues. They will not be ignored anymore.
So, I am not the strike czar and TV is still just a fantasy at this point. But, there are certain things we can do to keep occupied during these trying times. We could obviously watch reruns because the difference between that and new shows is generally marginal (discussed at moderate length above) (and watching ReRun dance keeps me entertained for minutes at a time). We could follow different forms of entertainment, like catch up on movies, even though, it’s not really movie season anymore. We could follow art or music, but those don’t combine audiovisual components to my liking. Nor does theater because the set designs are so limited and it lacks the fourth wall that protects me from the dangers posed by actors. Actors have killed before, (See John Wilkes Booth,) and they may kill again (see O.J. Simpson) and they would likely go after the future strike czar.
We could watch sports, football is in the playoffs, and is pretty exciting. Next weekend’s likely Brady-Manning match-up should be a heck of a game. If either of them loses this week, the other really should win the whole darned thing. Jacksonville and San Diego are in my opinion the 3rd and 4th best teams in football, both with explosive offenses and defenses, but not on the same level of the two juggernauts. Dallas and Green Bay are also on that second tier as 5th and 6th best teams. While the Giants and Seattle are much too inconsistent to be considered seriously as title contenders, having to win three games in a row against top tier teams. Basketball is exciting this year with several legitimate contenders against the Spurs, who were last year’s only complete team, and all the legitimate legendary players, both young and old (LeBron, Howard, and Paul, and Duncan, Garnett, and Kidd) and it's always fun to root against the Lakers and watch the Knicks implode.
It's even tough to watch the politics today, as I watch Obama, a hope for the future, getting trounced by Bill Clinton's bitter cynical wife in New Hampshire because she almost cried yesterday. Moreover, despite my big McCain win, I just watched him butcher a really lovely speech. I did find a perfect example of McCain's integrity: one of his son's is in the Marines serving in Iraq right now and I didn't even know about it, nor am I guessing did you. Do any of the other candidates have children fighting for the military? If they did, wouldn't that be discussed very often in the veil of "I don't like to talk about my son fighting in Iraq because that would be exploitative, but I know what the parents of our brave soldiers are going through first-hand. I know what it's like to fear the next phone call..." But, he hasn't done that (though I suspect he might if he is pressed against the wall), and in the interview where he was asked about it, he acknowledged his pride in his son and all his children, and moved on. That McCain guy is all about service, and Obama is an excellent fairy tale (which I can't believe is an insult), and hopefully either one of them or Rudy G. will be the next president of these United States and formally recognize my strike authority.
But, really, people like me are stuck trying to weather the storm of the entertainment drought, with the only limited forms of entertainment to placate us. But, who can be satiated by watching some rats trying to cook something out of nothing? And that, my friends, is why choosing our next leader is so important.
Best regards,
Mark Papa Bear Ellis
Best regards,
Mark Papa Bear Ellis
So, even though politics season is in full swing, I feel it is important to remember what the politics are all about, so I have decided to dedicate one webisode of the blog per week to why we fight these political battles. And, so you ask, why am I so interested in the politics of the day? Because U.S. politics is about choice. And to me, choice means television. And television has basically been shut off, so I am left grasping at American Gladiators, which is still pretty entertaining, a few special moments on various other television programs, and an overrated 2007 film Ratatouille (which I on-demanded) about a rat that wants to be a chef. If I was a kid, I might have liked this animated film, and if I were a chef, I might’ve enjoyed the passion for the artistry, but overall the journey was not very funny, and the messages were not strongly conveyed, and I did not identify with Patton Oswalt's character. Overall, it was a pretty bland piece of cinematic garbage. It wasn’t bad garbage, but it was disappointing, which brings me back to my original point, which was… I am furious at those dang TV writers.
I don’t really care whether the writers deserve the extra $50 bucks from Internet revenue or the health insurance benefits for their cats, or anything else, but, they should go back to work. If you think about it, a strike itself is pretty much a selfish endeavor. Of course, there are many people who are extremely deserving of more money, improved working conditions, and better amenities, and if they are living a destitute life because the owners or managers are being tremendously unfair, then I can totally understand and respect the right of the workers to strike. Additionally, if someone is dramatically underpaid, such as a group of people who earn minimum wage when they are the driving irreplaceable force behind a successful company or industry. But the writers, like the New York City transit workers, and somewhat like the athletes who strike from time to time are paid sufficiently (handsomely? probably not) for their efforts, and they are upset that they are not being paid the proper value (which they define differently than market price) for their efforts.
The problem with the strike (or a lockout from the manager's perspective) for attaining the desired goals is that it hurts people other than the intended, the owners. Usually, these bystanders can less afford to be hurt then the owners. How am I supposed to have sympathy for writers when they are starving out the set designers?
Writers, in particular, are an unsympathetic group (like in the case of baseball players), because they have a job that nearly hundreds of people dream of. And, it is hard to believe that many people with the same or almost the same amount of talent (unlike baseball players) would not do the job for less money. Of course, there is a calculation that would derive sympathy from even the harsher strike critics, by which if people in a profession are grossly underpaid, woefully undervalued, or in dire poverty, it would thereby be acceptable to harm the other innocents that are depending on the continued regular creation of the product. If the issue is being slightly underpaid or slightly overpaid, then it strikes me as an overreaction and selfish to walk out and leave an entire industry destitute. Mainly, they are not thinking about people like me.
People like me: Non-writers, sure they are hurting the prop guys and the cameramen, and the caterers, and the… I could go on if I knew anything about TV other than the TV Set. I’m not sure if they have the support of those unions, but really who cares if unions support each other, they are helping other unions when they demonstrate the power of unions, they are harming the people in those craft unions. And what if they don’t get the raises or whatever demands they sought, then that union, and all unions lose out, and the individual writers lose out on close to a year’s salary, and the individual non-writer’s lose out on a year’s salary. Try telling that to the camera guy’s kids.
But, most importantly, they are harming me. What about all the people like me out there, for example, me, who have had to suffer at the hands of the tyrannical writer’s union with Tina Fey and her lot of critical essayists ridiculing the entertainment system that we all know and love. What about all of the entertainment I have missed out on? Sure, I take solace in the fact that for every episode of The Office that is being cut from the season, an episode of Two and a Half Men is mercifully being cut as well. But, what about all of that reality TV I am being left with? What am I supposed to do with that? I'm not going to watch it, if that's what you're thinking. So, we need some creative solutions.
How about this? Would anybody even notice if they replayed Friends over with the same dialogue, but changing the the actors and the names of the characters. I wouldn’t. It was a pretty solid show, and good for a laugh with a little emotional attachment to the characters, adequately performed by all the parties involved. But, it was a generic show filled with interchangeable or fungible (a fancy way of saying interchangeable) parts. That having been said, I don’t object to rerecording the whole show. So, someone out there, retool Friends with the high concept of Friends meets Friends, set on the other side of Central Park at a coffeehouse called Central Pork, and hopefully, NBC will replay it. If they outsourced the whole thing to India or Mexico, they can even do it on the cheap and hire "Steven Spielbergo", (the director's Mexican equivalent- a Simpson's reference) to direct. Jack Black and Mos Def are coming out with a similar movie about reshooting all of the major movies of the last several years. Movies are slightly different, because TV shows run out of plot lines, and they are encouraged to use all of the same material that worked the first time.
Well, there you go, so something should be done about the strikes, and to prevent such strikes in general. For example, if unions could work together and strike together, then corporations should be able to strike together because the balance has shifted in another direction. But, rather than resort to multi-lateral negotiations, allowing the corporations to unionize, which would otherwise be referred to as collusion and lead to anti-trust lawsuits, there should be a strike czar. Some professions are not permitted to strike because of safety issues or because of their relative importance to society. For example, police officers or firefighters are not permitted to strike, or air traffic controllers are not permitted to strike because without them, planes would not be able to land (which means that they would not take off, rather than they would fly around forever... or until they ran out of gas and crashed).
So, a strike czar would be in charge of determining whether a certain group of people (or profession) could strike or whether they are not permitted to strike. The job would entail determining whether to assign mandatory arbitration. Then, if arbitration would be assigned, the arbitrators would look to the affordability to the investor/owner/manager/producer and merit of the workers along with all other relevant information. But, the arbitration would not be binding because you cannot force someone to work (See slavery) or a company to maintain its employees (See unemployment); it would mainly be used to decide who should rightly be villified in the court of public opinion. Right now, we are a divided nation, between the red television watchers and the blue television watchers, who respectively believe that the writers should go back to work and stop demanding anything from their employers and the blue TV watchers that believe that the owners are being greedy and hoarding profits. A neutral arbitration would allow us all to hate on one side. It wouldn’t be binding because people can always decide not to work by refusing to work/quitting (which would lead to firings) and/ or refusing to pay/firings (which would lead quitting and lawsuits.)
Moreover, this job, and this level of leadership could not be controlled by the special interest groups because then money would win out and the forces of establishment and the status quo would reign for a seeming eternity (and people would not have a say). It could not be allowed to remain unchecked by the passions of the people because then it would heavily favor the majority of the people, the poorer and more disparaged of the two sides, and it would run the business out of business. So, this kaiser should split the reason and the passion and just operate based on cat-like instincts.
Now, I would like to throw my hat in the ring for a job like this because I have cat-like instincts when it comes to matters of strikes. I knew instantly that the Anthracite Coal Mining Strike of 1902 was a necessary strike and those coal miners deserved some better treatment. Likewise, I can determine when the Boston Police Department needs a raise and are denied the raise, they cannot go on strike because I would rather have unhappy police officers than none (though barely, and I would not want them to be unhappy with me, so my mind can be changed).
Should it be an appointed position? No, because there is too much political posturing and gamesmanship about someone with this much influence. Should it be an elected official? No, because then we have the passions of the people swaying these mostly logical debates. Should it be a write-in or video-contest ala American Idol? No, because who would judge that process. Thus, there are few alternatives other than the logical solution: the position should be seized. And to avoid the temporary persuasion of the people or the long term convincing of the moneyed interests, it should be a lifelong position... preferably passed onto the next generation, so that there are no issue of succession. Lest a person not leave an heir to be strike czar, then succession should be determined by sheer will. The position is titled after a monarchist governmental system anyway, so why not go all the way?
Now, I would like to throw my hat in the ring and then to seize all the other hats to grab hold of this position. But, all of those coal miner strikes could be depressing, so since I am in charge, I leave out those types of strikes from my jurisdictional authority, and in Marbury v. Madison fashion, I decide the extent of my own power, and decree that I only have the authority to decide on strikes in entertaining disputes because that’s all the American people or me care about.
Okay, so, this is all a pipe dream, but can you blame me? My mind is racing from a lack of new television during TV season and it is in my nature to dream and I want to put a stop to it. Instead, because of all of this political excitement, my mind is centered on power, and why don’t the politicians come down hard on the TV issue or the athlete steroids issue. Sure, they are irrelevant to governing, but goshdarnit, someone’s got to talk about these issues. They will not be ignored anymore.
So, I am not the strike czar and TV is still just a fantasy at this point. But, there are certain things we can do to keep occupied during these trying times. We could obviously watch reruns because the difference between that and new shows is generally marginal (discussed at moderate length above) (and watching ReRun dance keeps me entertained for minutes at a time). We could follow different forms of entertainment, like catch up on movies, even though, it’s not really movie season anymore. We could follow art or music, but those don’t combine audiovisual components to my liking. Nor does theater because the set designs are so limited and it lacks the fourth wall that protects me from the dangers posed by actors. Actors have killed before, (See John Wilkes Booth,) and they may kill again (see O.J. Simpson) and they would likely go after the future strike czar.
We could watch sports, football is in the playoffs, and is pretty exciting. Next weekend’s likely Brady-Manning match-up should be a heck of a game. If either of them loses this week, the other really should win the whole darned thing. Jacksonville and San Diego are in my opinion the 3rd and 4th best teams in football, both with explosive offenses and defenses, but not on the same level of the two juggernauts. Dallas and Green Bay are also on that second tier as 5th and 6th best teams. While the Giants and Seattle are much too inconsistent to be considered seriously as title contenders, having to win three games in a row against top tier teams. Basketball is exciting this year with several legitimate contenders against the Spurs, who were last year’s only complete team, and all the legitimate legendary players, both young and old (LeBron, Howard, and Paul, and Duncan, Garnett, and Kidd) and it's always fun to root against the Lakers and watch the Knicks implode.
It's even tough to watch the politics today, as I watch Obama, a hope for the future, getting trounced by Bill Clinton's bitter cynical wife in New Hampshire because she almost cried yesterday. Moreover, despite my big McCain win, I just watched him butcher a really lovely speech. I did find a perfect example of McCain's integrity: one of his son's is in the Marines serving in Iraq right now and I didn't even know about it, nor am I guessing did you. Do any of the other candidates have children fighting for the military? If they did, wouldn't that be discussed very often in the veil of "I don't like to talk about my son fighting in Iraq because that would be exploitative, but I know what the parents of our brave soldiers are going through first-hand. I know what it's like to fear the next phone call..." But, he hasn't done that (though I suspect he might if he is pressed against the wall), and in the interview where he was asked about it, he acknowledged his pride in his son and all his children, and moved on. That McCain guy is all about service, and Obama is an excellent fairy tale (which I can't believe is an insult), and hopefully either one of them or Rudy G. will be the next president of these United States and formally recognize my strike authority.
But, really, people like me are stuck trying to weather the storm of the entertainment drought, with the only limited forms of entertainment to placate us. But, who can be satiated by watching some rats trying to cook something out of nothing? And that, my friends, is why choosing our next leader is so important.
Best regards,
Mark Papa Bear Ellis
Best regards,
Mark Papa Bear Ellis
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Organized Chaos
My dearest reader,
as I sit here watching some hilarious new Dave Attell material, I reflect on the complexity of my weekend. It started off quickly on Friday when I rushed home to watch a substantial amount of television and recover the remnants of my ailing voice.
Not sure if you remember that I had a football game scheduled for Saturday, but I did, and it happened, so eat it. I arrived at the location about 2 hours early and panicked for about 2 hours. At the scheduled time, there was only me with one other person, who would destroy me in a game of 1 on 1 football, which would be a lot like American Gladiators. When the people finally started arriving, I was able to stop quivering, but I did deface a park monument... in a good way.
In my efforts to integrate the various groups of friends I had invited, I shared my newest reading material with the group. While many of them (all of them) mocked me and my heterosexual credentials for choosing the new Nicholas Sparks book, I felt my football playing amigos (and comrades) were secretly enchanted by the Notebook and were afraid to admit it (or at least they didn't hate it as much as they say they did). Of course, self-depricating humor is a great method of uniting a divided crowd, so with this orchestrated stroke, they could all relate to each other, if only to mock me for my effeminate reading material. So, my intricate strategy of easing everyone into a good mood worked. And yes, it was part of my plan to loosen the crowd.
Now, just because I planned the whole thing out and introduced the book to the group solely to make everyone feel at ease (and because it was a funny bit) does not mean that I'm not going to be reading the book and relishing every beautiful word in a silky bubble bath with a glass of red wine, while listening to Enya. I'm just kidding... I wouldn't drink red wine in the tub because of the danger of spillage... and white wine is better for my pores anyway.
The game itself was great because of the impressive turnout (15 people), warm temperatures (40's F.), some laid-back participants (hung-over players), competitive banter (trash talk), a muddy field (field was muddy), last second heroics (game came down to the last play), and nobody cried... after the first two plays... when we moved the baby out of the corner. (That's what we call Jennifer. Actually, not one Jennifer showed up.)
So, we took our "nobody crying" streak to a Mexican restaurant and had some drinks. Then, we went to an Irish pub to have some drinks. Then, we went to a bar of indeterminate heritage, to have some drinks. It was worth noting that the bartender had a phu man chu, which really highlighted his bright red hair. He also seemed to be one of the more unhappier people I have ever met because he combined a depressed look (slumped shoulders, teary eyes) with frustration (frequent sighing and lazy waving of his arms), and bitterness (scowling expression and gruff retorts). Or maybe I was just projecting. It was a fun place though, you should check it out. (See Papa Bear's New York Guide Book, a book which I am shamelessly plugging even though it does not exist and I have no intention or desire to write it.) But, importantly, I did find out that Hoboken is apparently the Paris of New Jersey, which of course is a dubious honor.
Overall, it was a good crew of people. It was sad that my friends (who were not part of the football team) wanted to be part of our team, but there are no spots open. So, you, Reader 212, are not invited either... and if I do invite you, don't tell those people. As we all parted, I went to watch the boxing match where I sat with 20 Americans, with just about every one of them rooting for some British jerk over a charismatic American jerk. Go figure.
Oh, and then Sunday happened. That was cool too.
Still correcting the paperwork of my life,
Mark stet Ellis
as I sit here watching some hilarious new Dave Attell material, I reflect on the complexity of my weekend. It started off quickly on Friday when I rushed home to watch a substantial amount of television and recover the remnants of my ailing voice.
Not sure if you remember that I had a football game scheduled for Saturday, but I did, and it happened, so eat it. I arrived at the location about 2 hours early and panicked for about 2 hours. At the scheduled time, there was only me with one other person, who would destroy me in a game of 1 on 1 football, which would be a lot like American Gladiators. When the people finally started arriving, I was able to stop quivering, but I did deface a park monument... in a good way.
In my efforts to integrate the various groups of friends I had invited, I shared my newest reading material with the group. While many of them (all of them) mocked me and my heterosexual credentials for choosing the new Nicholas Sparks book, I felt my football playing amigos (and comrades) were secretly enchanted by the Notebook and were afraid to admit it (or at least they didn't hate it as much as they say they did). Of course, self-depricating humor is a great method of uniting a divided crowd, so with this orchestrated stroke, they could all relate to each other, if only to mock me for my effeminate reading material. So, my intricate strategy of easing everyone into a good mood worked. And yes, it was part of my plan to loosen the crowd.
Now, just because I planned the whole thing out and introduced the book to the group solely to make everyone feel at ease (and because it was a funny bit) does not mean that I'm not going to be reading the book and relishing every beautiful word in a silky bubble bath with a glass of red wine, while listening to Enya. I'm just kidding... I wouldn't drink red wine in the tub because of the danger of spillage... and white wine is better for my pores anyway.
The game itself was great because of the impressive turnout (15 people), warm temperatures (40's F.), some laid-back participants (hung-over players), competitive banter (trash talk), a muddy field (field was muddy), last second heroics (game came down to the last play), and nobody cried... after the first two plays... when we moved the baby out of the corner. (That's what we call Jennifer. Actually, not one Jennifer showed up.)
So, we took our "nobody crying" streak to a Mexican restaurant and had some drinks. Then, we went to an Irish pub to have some drinks. Then, we went to a bar of indeterminate heritage, to have some drinks. It was worth noting that the bartender had a phu man chu, which really highlighted his bright red hair. He also seemed to be one of the more unhappier people I have ever met because he combined a depressed look (slumped shoulders, teary eyes) with frustration (frequent sighing and lazy waving of his arms), and bitterness (scowling expression and gruff retorts). Or maybe I was just projecting. It was a fun place though, you should check it out. (See Papa Bear's New York Guide Book, a book which I am shamelessly plugging even though it does not exist and I have no intention or desire to write it.) But, importantly, I did find out that Hoboken is apparently the Paris of New Jersey, which of course is a dubious honor.
Overall, it was a good crew of people. It was sad that my friends (who were not part of the football team) wanted to be part of our team, but there are no spots open. So, you, Reader 212, are not invited either... and if I do invite you, don't tell those people. As we all parted, I went to watch the boxing match where I sat with 20 Americans, with just about every one of them rooting for some British jerk over a charismatic American jerk. Go figure.
Oh, and then Sunday happened. That was cool too.
Still correcting the paperwork of my life,
Mark stet Ellis
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
My Robot
Hello again my new friends,
I report to you for the first time since my short spell down south. If you saw someone in a Ford Mustang convertible driving through the streets of a Florida city (pulling a lot of Thelma and Louise moves), and then found that same person in uber-trendy night spots doing the robot, the chances are... you saw me twice... or someone who was doing the same things I did. But no one cares about that other guy.
So, you must be saying, "Tough Guys Don't Dance", (see Norman Mailer's sentiment). My response to you is that The Robot is not just any dance, like the tango, the polka, or the line dance... The Robot is like a state of mind, but mostly its a dance. So, there I was, doing the Robot for awhile, when from the right side (not my good side), I attracted the attention of a nearby bridal party of some kind (perhaps a bachelorette party, but there was one guy with them wearing a tux, and one girl wearing a wedding dress). And the guy, clearly saw my skills as a dancer and repeatedly encouraged me to dance with the group. To be fair, I had imbued a few drinks and it was a loud club, so I was not sure whether he kept trying to drag me out to the dance floor to dance with a particular girl (not wearing the wedding dress) or whether he was more interested in me for himself. Obviously, I'm moderately flattered either way, but I feel like my rep would be improved more if he was into me for himself, (not because I'm into guys or because its hip tha guys are into me, but more) because people (girls) always seem to think I would be great for someone else. "You would be great for my friend/sister/stranger {subtext, you are not good enough for me}" So, I'm not even sure which way I'd prefer to remember the incident. Maybe I will make that my next vote. I did dance with a girl from the group who was cute, but that's none of your business. But, ask me later and I'll tell you. But nothing happened. So, don't ask.
While I was there, I partook in several sporting events, including a Heat-Celtics game, which demonstrated how good the Celtics are and how dominant Shaq can still be on the defensive end as he stopped Garnett in the 4th quarter, pretty much entirely. Also note that the Miami Heat dancers are distractingly attractive. I actually kept the magazine of posters they gave out for free in the lobby. I carried the posters around and hid them like it was pornographic. It felt a little more pornographic since there was basically no indication that the posters were related to the Heat and the magazine could easily have been the advertisement for a high class strip club, or a medium class bordello. Not that I know the proper classes of these things. But, I would really break out my best Robot to impress those ladies.
But, the weekend's main event was the Loser Bowl. The Dolphins-Jets game was historic if but for one reason, which I will get to when I feel like it. Sure, the Jets won and half of my section were Jets fans, or apparently "snowbirds" as we're called, but the crowd was united in our agreement that the heat in Miami is nearly unbearable. After a few quarters, once the crowd no longer expected to see a close game, the crowd would literally cheer the clouds rolling by that would protect us all from the sweltering sun. We had Jets fans and Dolphins fans screaming at parents who were selfishly watching the game in the dangerous heat at the expense of their infants. Heat is apparently one of the few things that transcend sports; along with the two other things, which I don't know. It makes me wonder why animist religions (which include some fine respectable religions such as the soap opera that was the ancient Greek gods), worshipped the strong fearful sun and not the pleasant wayward clouds. Just goes to show, people naturally respect what they fear... and its easier to draw a smiley face on the sun, (ask any second grader).
But, all that Roboting has led me to catch the sickness. That combined with the fierce cold has placed my impending football game (with cones) in jeopardy (scaring away some easily intimidated players.) But, I digress because I have no complaints about the past sports weekend or the upcoming football game (with cones) weekend. Just know that if you are looking for a deity to pray upon (or did I mean "to prey to") that I do a really badass robot and its easy to draw a smiley face on me (ask any second grader).
Fear ME,
Papa Bear
I report to you for the first time since my short spell down south. If you saw someone in a Ford Mustang convertible driving through the streets of a Florida city (pulling a lot of Thelma and Louise moves), and then found that same person in uber-trendy night spots doing the robot, the chances are... you saw me twice... or someone who was doing the same things I did. But no one cares about that other guy.
So, you must be saying, "Tough Guys Don't Dance", (see Norman Mailer's sentiment). My response to you is that The Robot is not just any dance, like the tango, the polka, or the line dance... The Robot is like a state of mind, but mostly its a dance. So, there I was, doing the Robot for awhile, when from the right side (not my good side), I attracted the attention of a nearby bridal party of some kind (perhaps a bachelorette party, but there was one guy with them wearing a tux, and one girl wearing a wedding dress). And the guy, clearly saw my skills as a dancer and repeatedly encouraged me to dance with the group. To be fair, I had imbued a few drinks and it was a loud club, so I was not sure whether he kept trying to drag me out to the dance floor to dance with a particular girl (not wearing the wedding dress) or whether he was more interested in me for himself. Obviously, I'm moderately flattered either way, but I feel like my rep would be improved more if he was into me for himself, (not because I'm into guys or because its hip tha guys are into me, but more) because people (girls) always seem to think I would be great for someone else. "You would be great for my friend/sister/stranger {subtext, you are not good enough for me}" So, I'm not even sure which way I'd prefer to remember the incident. Maybe I will make that my next vote. I did dance with a girl from the group who was cute, but that's none of your business. But, ask me later and I'll tell you. But nothing happened. So, don't ask.
While I was there, I partook in several sporting events, including a Heat-Celtics game, which demonstrated how good the Celtics are and how dominant Shaq can still be on the defensive end as he stopped Garnett in the 4th quarter, pretty much entirely. Also note that the Miami Heat dancers are distractingly attractive. I actually kept the magazine of posters they gave out for free in the lobby. I carried the posters around and hid them like it was pornographic. It felt a little more pornographic since there was basically no indication that the posters were related to the Heat and the magazine could easily have been the advertisement for a high class strip club, or a medium class bordello. Not that I know the proper classes of these things. But, I would really break out my best Robot to impress those ladies.
But, the weekend's main event was the Loser Bowl. The Dolphins-Jets game was historic if but for one reason, which I will get to when I feel like it. Sure, the Jets won and half of my section were Jets fans, or apparently "snowbirds" as we're called, but the crowd was united in our agreement that the heat in Miami is nearly unbearable. After a few quarters, once the crowd no longer expected to see a close game, the crowd would literally cheer the clouds rolling by that would protect us all from the sweltering sun. We had Jets fans and Dolphins fans screaming at parents who were selfishly watching the game in the dangerous heat at the expense of their infants. Heat is apparently one of the few things that transcend sports; along with the two other things, which I don't know. It makes me wonder why animist religions (which include some fine respectable religions such as the soap opera that was the ancient Greek gods), worshipped the strong fearful sun and not the pleasant wayward clouds. Just goes to show, people naturally respect what they fear... and its easier to draw a smiley face on the sun, (ask any second grader).
But, all that Roboting has led me to catch the sickness. That combined with the fierce cold has placed my impending football game (with cones) in jeopardy (scaring away some easily intimidated players.) But, I digress because I have no complaints about the past sports weekend or the upcoming football game (with cones) weekend. Just know that if you are looking for a deity to pray upon (or did I mean "to prey to") that I do a really badass robot and its easy to draw a smiley face on me (ask any second grader).
Fear ME,
Papa Bear
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Happy Anniversary
Dear [insert your name here],
As the one week anniversary of this blog arrives, I welcome you to look back on all of the fond memories this blog has produced for you over the past week.
But, MY mind is preoccupied. Sure, at work, I focus on work, but you must be wondering what am I thinking about outside of work. Am I focusing my attention on all the suffering in the world or the great joys that life has to offer? If I was, I wouldn't tell you. But if I wasn't focusing on these things, I would start my next sentence with "no" or "instead".
Instead, I am focusing on how I just purchased cones (little orange ones) for a football game I am organizing a week from Saturday. This coming weekend, I am flying to a destination in Florida, taking my first vacation in two years. A friend who is going to be there told me that we are renting a convertible to really live up the experience. We are also going to the "Loser Bowl" (TM) to watch the Miami Dolphins try to get their first win against the magnificent New York Jets.
The weekend that follows, I am going to hang out with awesome kids (not related to football), then play football, and then enjoy some drinking festivities. In the process, I am merging several different groups of friends that could potentially be awesome or awful. But, what am I thinking about? What's got me all hyped? The purchase of the mini-cones and the prospect of laying them out over a fresh field of grass. Sure, I bought a football too and that's cool, but laying out the cones... that's gonna be sweet.
I am probably going to play the game for a few hours, but that means, as a receiver, I will only touch the ball (i.e. drop the ball), at most a few times. Yet, the memory of laying out the cones... that lasts a lifetime. But, probably since I bought the cones, I'll have someone else lay them out.
Many people asked me over the course of this past week, "why did you start a blog?" Actually, that person asked me, "why did YOU start a blog?" They, (he) meant, what did I have to contribute to the "blogosphere"? And after hours of thought and consideration, after pondering and searching my soul for meaning, this is my answer... I like cones, and I want the world to know it. Other people have asked me why I started the blog now? And my response to that question required no thought at all... Because in these times of turmoil, when terrorists seek to destroy the very fabric of our society, somebody has to write about my appreciation of cones, and with me being myself and available for the job, I decided to carry that mantle. Regardless of the danger or controversy involved, you will be able to read about the things I appreciate, (unless someone pays me not to write about myself, hint hint,) (or if I get bored).
Other people have requested to add to my blog, and of course, they are welcome to add to the blog, in the comments section, where, pending approval, their words will be subject to my scrutiny and my wrath (which is actually a lot like my scrutiny).
The sad part is, that I am already growing weary of writing this stupid blog, and without feedback and comments, I am probably going to start ranting in essay format about how our society's celebration and romantization of pirates has ruined and will continue to ruin our culture (which is true, and hopefully tonight's episode of Bones will tell us more). Stupid pirates. And, yes, that is a very real threat to both you and to pirates.
On that note, I will say my farewells. I believe in this blog, and if I can maintain funding, I hope to continue writing for this blog next week and maybe even a few weeks after that.
So, enjoy your Tuesday, and I will write to you again soon.
My adoring fan,
ME
As the one week anniversary of this blog arrives, I welcome you to look back on all of the fond memories this blog has produced for you over the past week.
But, MY mind is preoccupied. Sure, at work, I focus on work, but you must be wondering what am I thinking about outside of work. Am I focusing my attention on all the suffering in the world or the great joys that life has to offer? If I was, I wouldn't tell you. But if I wasn't focusing on these things, I would start my next sentence with "no" or "instead".
Instead, I am focusing on how I just purchased cones (little orange ones) for a football game I am organizing a week from Saturday. This coming weekend, I am flying to a destination in Florida, taking my first vacation in two years. A friend who is going to be there told me that we are renting a convertible to really live up the experience. We are also going to the "Loser Bowl" (TM) to watch the Miami Dolphins try to get their first win against the magnificent New York Jets.
The weekend that follows, I am going to hang out with awesome kids (not related to football), then play football, and then enjoy some drinking festivities. In the process, I am merging several different groups of friends that could potentially be awesome or awful. But, what am I thinking about? What's got me all hyped? The purchase of the mini-cones and the prospect of laying them out over a fresh field of grass. Sure, I bought a football too and that's cool, but laying out the cones... that's gonna be sweet.
I am probably going to play the game for a few hours, but that means, as a receiver, I will only touch the ball (i.e. drop the ball), at most a few times. Yet, the memory of laying out the cones... that lasts a lifetime. But, probably since I bought the cones, I'll have someone else lay them out.
Many people asked me over the course of this past week, "why did you start a blog?" Actually, that person asked me, "why did YOU start a blog?" They, (he) meant, what did I have to contribute to the "blogosphere"? And after hours of thought and consideration, after pondering and searching my soul for meaning, this is my answer... I like cones, and I want the world to know it. Other people have asked me why I started the blog now? And my response to that question required no thought at all... Because in these times of turmoil, when terrorists seek to destroy the very fabric of our society, somebody has to write about my appreciation of cones, and with me being myself and available for the job, I decided to carry that mantle. Regardless of the danger or controversy involved, you will be able to read about the things I appreciate, (unless someone pays me not to write about myself, hint hint,) (or if I get bored).
Other people have requested to add to my blog, and of course, they are welcome to add to the blog, in the comments section, where, pending approval, their words will be subject to my scrutiny and my wrath (which is actually a lot like my scrutiny).
The sad part is, that I am already growing weary of writing this stupid blog, and without feedback and comments, I am probably going to start ranting in essay format about how our society's celebration and romantization of pirates has ruined and will continue to ruin our culture (which is true, and hopefully tonight's episode of Bones will tell us more). Stupid pirates. And, yes, that is a very real threat to both you and to pirates.
On that note, I will say my farewells. I believe in this blog, and if I can maintain funding, I hope to continue writing for this blog next week and maybe even a few weeks after that.
So, enjoy your Tuesday, and I will write to you again soon.
My adoring fan,
ME
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