My Robot

Hello again my new friends,

I report to you for the first time since my short spell down south. If you saw someone in a Ford Mustang convertible driving through the streets of a Florida city (pulling a lot of Thelma and Louise moves), and then found that same person in uber-trendy night spots doing the robot, the chances are... you saw me twice... or someone who was doing the same things I did. But no one cares about that other guy.

So, you must be saying, "Tough Guys Don't Dance", (see Norman Mailer's sentiment). My response to you is that The Robot is not just any dance, like the tango, the polka, or the line dance... The Robot is like a state of mind, but mostly its a dance. So, there I was, doing the Robot for awhile, when from the right side (not my good side), I attracted the attention of a nearby bridal party of some kind (perhaps a bachelorette party, but there was one guy with them wearing a tux, and one girl wearing a wedding dress). And the guy, clearly saw my skills as a dancer and repeatedly encouraged me to dance with the group. To be fair, I had imbued a few drinks and it was a loud club, so I was not sure whether he kept trying to drag me out to the dance floor to dance with a particular girl (not wearing the wedding dress) or whether he was more interested in me for himself. Obviously, I'm moderately flattered either way, but I feel like my rep would be improved more if he was into me for himself, (not because I'm into guys or because its hip tha guys are into me, but more) because people (girls) always seem to think I would be great for someone else. "You would be great for my friend/sister/stranger {subtext, you are not good enough for me}" So, I'm not even sure which way I'd prefer to remember the incident. Maybe I will make that my next vote. I did dance with a girl from the group who was cute, but that's none of your business. But, ask me later and I'll tell you. But nothing happened. So, don't ask.

While I was there, I partook in several sporting events, including a Heat-Celtics game, which demonstrated how good the Celtics are and how dominant Shaq can still be on the defensive end as he stopped Garnett in the 4th quarter, pretty much entirely. Also note that the Miami Heat dancers are distractingly attractive. I actually kept the magazine of posters they gave out for free in the lobby. I carried the posters around and hid them like it was pornographic. It felt a little more pornographic since there was basically no indication that the posters were related to the Heat and the magazine could easily have been the advertisement for a high class strip club, or a medium class bordello. Not that I know the proper classes of these things. But, I would really break out my best Robot to impress those ladies.

But, the weekend's main event was the Loser Bowl. The Dolphins-Jets game was historic if but for one reason, which I will get to when I feel like it. Sure, the Jets won and half of my section were Jets fans, or apparently "snowbirds" as we're called, but the crowd was united in our agreement that the heat in Miami is nearly unbearable. After a few quarters, once the crowd no longer expected to see a close game, the crowd would literally cheer the clouds rolling by that would protect us all from the sweltering sun. We had Jets fans and Dolphins fans screaming at parents who were selfishly watching the game in the dangerous heat at the expense of their infants. Heat is apparently one of the few things that transcend sports; along with the two other things, which I don't know. It makes me wonder why animist religions (which include some fine respectable religions such as the soap opera that was the ancient Greek gods), worshipped the strong fearful sun and not the pleasant wayward clouds. Just goes to show, people naturally respect what they fear... and its easier to draw a smiley face on the sun, (ask any second grader).

But, all that Roboting has led me to catch the sickness. That combined with the fierce cold has placed my impending football game (with cones) in jeopardy (scaring away some easily intimidated players.) But, I digress because I have no complaints about the past sports weekend or the upcoming football game (with cones) weekend. Just know that if you are looking for a deity to pray upon (or did I mean "to prey to") that I do a really badass robot and its easy to draw a smiley face on me (ask any second grader).

Fear ME,
Papa Bear